Ah_KInG's World

Dream a long time

2011-07-28T23:46:00.002+08:00

On the morning of 28/7/11, i had a dream of her once again. This time, i was there with her and we were talking to some people around us, funny thing was that we were standing at a place where MRT or trains was passing us by. Then as i sat down, i asked her to sit down right beside me with a smile, she then sat down and i could feel her leaning right beside me. We sat there and what i believe was the reason why we sat there was to wait for the train to pass by and get the wind.

There was a person right in front of us when the train passed by and we were kind of disappointed when we couldn't get the wind, we waited for the next one and felt the wind, we then continued with our conversation and not long later, i woke up from it.

This past week, everything has been kind of difficult for me, i still love her alot and i do want to spend the rest of my life loving her. Whatever is going on now, i hope you, God, give me a chance to love her with all of my heart and i promise to show the world how much i love her and the love you gave me, God. I will love her all the way till the very end of time. Show me what i have to do for her, God. She really means alot to me.

Yet Another

2011-07-08T06:12:00.002+08:00

This time, i woke up with another dream. I don't really remember the full details of all of it but more or less, i know the important parts. It kind of started out with me and her and some couple of classmates leaving this place, then suddenly, we were picking up our assignment. Was talking to her while she went through the assignment, trying to pick out each person's work. Next thing i knew, we were done with the collection and we left.

What comes next was very surprising, as i was walking by myself, i received a text msg from her, asking me to choose a day to go out and have fun with her. Pick 1 out of the 3 days she had set aside for me. In that msg, she told me that she will tell me more stuff about herself and that she said welcome to the a 6 digit group. the 6 digit, each pair were to represent something significant that has to do with a year.

8/7 - 9/7

This time round, the dream was not so clear like most of the previous dreams i have, but it goes something like this. I was lying down on top of a bed, and was wondering quite a few stuff to myself, then she came by and lay down right beside me. We began to start talking about a few stuff and i saw her smile. I think we may have kissed but then again i was not so sure. we lay there, talking about quite alot of stuff but as usual, i can't remember all of the details that we had talked on. However, after awhile, what i remember was that she changed side of the bed to the other side and i think i was the one who agreed to changing side with her. And then, i believe that we continue talking but i was just mesmerize but the way she look while we talk, she was just so beautiful. God, i really love her alot.

What i hope is that from this dream, i could be able to date her like this dream show me, it would have been nice if she ask me which day i am free so that i could go out and have some fun with her and get to know her even better. As for the second dream, we don't have to be on a bed to be that intimate, but normally, i can be like that to her and talk to her to see how her day was or get to know how she is. I really hope that you can do this for me, God. I really love her, God... with all of my heart.

Dream and the past.

2011-06-12T18:18:00.003+08:00

This past 2 nights have been really good and trying to recall all those dreams was something that i always try my best to remember. Thank you, God, at times like this, you give me dreams that all me to think back of the things that i have done for her. Honestly, when i asked you that night of what your plan was for me, i somehow never really expected a dream about her. Though i did asked for it, i never knew that you would have given it to me. Memories and dreams are what i have of her, 2 dreams of her in a row has been really a blessing for me, God. I know that sometimes i forget the things i promise you, but i would like you to know that its good to remind me from time to time of those promise i made to you.

For her, like i told you, if your plan for me is to be by her side, i will be there for her, caring for her. I promise that i will love her with all of my heart and make her the happiest woman in the world. And honestly, i will trade anything that i have to ensure that she is safe and that i can be there for her. Today, i have many memories of her that went through my mind, and that feeling of loving her so much is back once again. I may not know what the future may hold for me, about this girl that i love so much, but what i do know now is that i love her with all of my heart. I am that kind of person who gives his whole heart to love a girl, i would never want to short change her of the amount of love that i have for her. So God, i ask sincerely, that if there could be a way or chance, i pray that you allow me to spend the rest of my life, loving her and showing her who you are. Though i may not be the best chrisitan to show her who you are, i am sure that with her i can tell her and show her who you are and the things you have done.

The dreams that you gave me on the night i asked that you showed me what are your plans for me and as well as a dream of her. I dream that both of us were talking about something in front of a magazine stand, i could not remember what it was that we were talking about, then when asked about something, all i could remember was she saying something about a artist signature and cannot afford it, then she laugh. i look at her and laugh along with her, paying really close attention to her laughter and that smile on her face. And that pretty much it. I always remember when i sit beside her in class or when i walk up with her to class on wednesday, that look on her face when we talked as we walked up and down for class. i still remember that day when it was raining and as we both walk down from class while she was carrying an umbrella and telling me how cold it was and that steam was coming out when we were talking, i somehow felt that the reason that i love her was that she was so beautiful to me. With the umbrella and that look and smile on her face, i felt so deep in love with her at that point of time.

The second dream on the following night started or what i could remember was this, i was walking beside her up to somewhere, she told me that she was meeting a friend somewhere on the top and that the friend was coming by a cab. As we both were finding the place and wanting to reach there fast, we were kind of brisk walking or jogging up the slope. I could not remember why we got on the bus but what i tried to remember was that the bus was meant to take us somewhere and the bus driver was telling us that it was going to a place just opposite the destination and i felt that it was the wrong place we were going. After that, the fire alarm rang off at my hostel and i woke up. I somehow faintly remember me walking beside her, talking and joking with her as we were looking for that place she was meant to meet her friend.

Third dream (14/6/11) - I don't have much idea what the whole thing was about, but what i could remember was this, i was sitting down talking to her and another girl and when ask where i stayed, i think i gave back a very funny answer. She kind of gave me the "huh?" look and i smiled saying back in chinese the place i stayed in singapore, "Shi long kang hua yuan". Then pretty much we continue talking and i saw her laugh and smile through out the conversation we had. Finally, what i could remember was when i asked her a question, she kept quiet but was smiling abit. Thats all i remembered.

All these dreams reminded me of the things that i loved about her and how much i wanted to love her. As i have mentioned before, God, i don't have much dreams and when i do have this few dreams, i find them very valuable and precious. Thank you for these dreams that you have given me. I hope that you will show me what are your plans for me, my soul will always be yours, God. No matter how much sin i may have done against you, i hope you forgive me. No matter how much i may despair and blame you for it, i hope you know that in the end, i will go back to you. Whatever your plans are, i hope you show me. And as always, there is something that i ask sincerely from you, God. Take good care of her and bless her. I will always love her no matter what and will be there for her. I pray that you give me a chance to love her for the rest of my life, God.

I Love You, Jolyn.

Hard to walk away.

2011-04-26T16:57:00.003+08:00

Ever moment, i lay in bed or when i am alone by myself, i think to myself, if the things i do so far, have made an bad impact on her. For that 1 week of my life, doing so much just to talk to her and to see her, to have to force an answer out of her even when i know things were still going alright. I am so sorry that i have done all this you, my love, i was so foolish trying to get an answer out of you when everything was still fine.

Eugene told me that i should keep my options open, but i am afraid to know another person and at the same time, afraid to lose this current one. I told myself, that if another guy comes around for her, i hope that he will be there for her no matter what, but the fact still remains that i think about her all the time and that i could never give her up to another person. Thats why i will always be afraid of everything, there is no courage for me in love, i am always wondering if she is alright, hows her study, hows this and hows that. all this are just my way of caring for her and yes, this all can be suffocating at times for a person. But its all i know for caring for the person i love.

The thing i am grateful for now, is that she stills talk to me all the time, we still go for class together and when i see her eat or look at her stuff, i cant help be feel happy that i am with her. Simple things like this makes me happy, and at the same time, things like she going out with others or just making comments make me afraid and think too much. I know somehow that i am trying so hard just to come up with ways to impress her and make her happy. And when the day comes that i longer can be with her, my heart will break and i dont know how long more before i can recover from one. As i said before in this blog, i never fully recovered from the one in poly, it left a huge scar in my heart and thats why i was still afraid, i told myself that i would not go into another relationship, but seeing her here in Sydney, change my mind immediately.

She gave me another chance at love. I decided to pick up love once again, knowing that it will be love that will hurt me once more, knowing all the other people who would come to me and tell me about their feelings for her, i kept quiet and just waited, doing all that i could to ensure that you will be alright. I hated the fact that other guys could have easily be so close to you, yet for me, i was always at a distance, i tried coming close, but it never seems to be that close. Perhaps i have been that close to you, its just that i feel i want to be more closer.

God, you have done so much for me, to allow me to be there for her, to remind her of all the stuff, but i feel that i want to do more and that i hope she knows that i am trying so hard to show her that i love her. Now she know that i have feelings for her, i hope as always that i know how to progress from here on. And yes, she hopes that we remain as friends that she does not want to progress anything more than that. She does not want it to be awkward. I love her so much that i will try my best to fulfill this request of hers, but its not going to be possible as i still will try to love her. Will you, God, knowing that i love this girl so much and being afraid of all things, calm me down, give me the courage i need, to show her that i love her so much and that i so desire to be with her, give me that chance to impress her and make her change her mindset about me and allow me to love her. A dream, and end goal, is to love that person i love so much and be with her.

I found out that a human, my deepest desire, is not to earn so much money, is not to own the most item. is not to be the most famous person on earth, is to love and be with the person i love the most. That is and always be the deepest desire i have in life. Every time i love, i hope that i will be with that person, so, will you allow me to be with the one i love now, dear God? I think i will never stop praying for her, i will never stop caring for her and my heart will never stop aching for her so long as i love her. At the end, when things all don't work out, i am sure that i will ask her out for the very last time, buy her a nice dinner, go with her for a walk, give her flowers and tell her everything about my feelings for her. It will be the last time i see her and will be the end of everything, i don't want that to happen and so desperately hope that i can be with her. So, God, tell me how long more before the heart dies of pain and depression, how much can i take it? I love her so much, so please, no matter what, take good care of her and bless her with good health and bless her in all things she do.

Thats the least i ask of you, God. The rest, i hope you can help me as much as you can. Give me courage and a sense of love to what i can do for her. I love you, dear God. I love her as well, God. For the both of you, i hope i know how to be a better person.

God's guidance

2011-03-10T19:25:00.002+08:00

As i look at her, i see that at time she is bored just listening to lectures, she gives a frown and stares right in front. When i asked her abt it the previous semester, she always give me the answer that its her default look, can't be changed. And each time i look at her, i can't help but smile to myself, urging myself to tell her not to frown so much.

God, i previous time i told you how much i love her, how much i want to be with her. And trust me that the feeling is still around and going strong. Every night, i hope that you could take good care of her, keep her healthy, make sure that she has sufficient rest, understand all the lesson taught in class, be disciplined in her studies and at the same time do well for her studies.

Funny thing, each time i watch a romance movie, i can't help but wonder why can't i have this kind of relationship with the person i love. And at times, i blame you, God, for all of it. I know its kind of wrongful to blame you when things don't work out the way i hoped for, and for that, i am sorry, God. But i do have one request. God, is that you don't give up on me trying to fall in love with the person i care the most. Help me alongside, give me a push when you think that i shld go abit more further in pursuing the person i love, this time don't let me do nothing and hope for the best, guide me along as i am new in falling in love, God. As for the rest, i leave it up to you, God, trusting you in all things you do.

I found out that she hardly smiles at me when we talk, and sometimes, listening to her talk and even talking to her makes me feel happy inside. Her attitude towards may have changed slightly abit and i really hope to know why. But as i always believe, i love her and will always be by her side, i will still be that guy that tells her to smile and ask her how she is. It may be painful, and i am sure you know it, God, but somehow now i understand it is the choice i have chosen and will have to live with it. Thats why i hope you will be there beside me, guiding me as i love this girl.

No matter what, bless that girl i love, God. Don't give up on me as i try my best to chase after her and make her fall in love with me, and allow me to have more faith in you, God. And hopefully, i may have the chance to be that special guy for her, loving her all my life.

Remember, don't give up on me, God, help me to win this girl heart, because i really love Jolyn alot and hope to make her happy all my life.

Period of uncertainty

2011-03-06T07:58:00.002+08:00

God,

I dont know what way is the best to speak to someone like you, i tried praying and asking you to speak to me, i tried listening, but i dont think i was listening hard enough to hear you. I am, after all in a state of dilemma now. Currently my old poly classmate is very close to her... sometimes i wonder if she ever knows that i was always by her side trying to make her smile and care for her... i ever wonder what it was like to know how she feels or know what she wants and try loving her... its always difficult for me just to know what she wants... i dont mind going the distance just to know that she is alright and that she is always happy.

I have been talking to others about the problem i face... how difficult i find talking to her. How much i just feel deeply jealous and sad seeing her and my poly classmate being close to one another... They all tell me not to think too much and ask me to let nature run its course... God, i have been trying really hard to re connect with her since coming back to Sydney but always seem there is a problem talking to her... our conversation seem to have gotten alot lesser, perhaps i am trying too hard and perhaps what i expected it to be like, that standard was set too high. I miss her alot, God. And i am sure that you are well aware of this fact that has been on my mind since the day i left Sydney.

Whatever the future holds for me now, God, you are the one that creates it and know it, but i would like to ask you that you allow me to give it a chance with Jolyn. Like i told Minqhee abt it, all i have are the memories of having good conversation with her, the smile she had and the laughter... all this, God, are what i have of all, Minqhee told me not to let them be memories and let them be reality instead... My brother has told me that whatever i do, he will always be there to support me. Richard and Ben have been really nice people telling me things that i needed to know on how to love her and i appreciate them alot because they are the closest friends i have here in Sydney. And Gary, who knew me since poly told me its best to let nature run its course... however, wishes me all the best in the things i do for her and hopes that i succeed. Thank you for all these people and their conversation with me. Not forgetting Sebastian and Kraven of which i also thank them for making me feel that i am a better person than compared to my poly classmate for her...

I don't want to lose her, God. This girl is the one girl that makes me feel that i cannot lose her... i don't want to lose her to my poly classmate and neither do i want to lose her as a friends... they all say the same thing, God, to ask me to make a move or doing something for her... not too aggressive yet something that will make her smile and feel good abt it... God, i will always love her... And i will always be that guy that is by the side waiting for her and being there for her... And what i hope from you, i know that i always ask things from you and never do anything back for you, but please, dear God, as much as i ask of you to take good care of her and bless her... i too ask of you that you tell me what you want me to do... Let me know what is it that you want me to do and i will do it to the best of my ability.

God, i ask that you take really good care of her and bless her and her family, allow me to be there by her side... Let me be the ideal guy for her that will love her and give her a happy life. If there is any opportunity that i shld seize just to show her how much i like her, please push me to do it, show me how to do it and not make it akward... Whatever you plan for me, i know it will be for the best, but i would like to give it a try to love this girl, afterall, i am so down to earth, i want another person with a personality different from mine to show me how to enjoy life... i really hope that i can show her you, God. its not an excuse but love that i hope to save her and bring her into the kingdom of heaven.

I trust you, God. But please, don't let me lose her because i love her so much that i wish that i can be with her... all this emotions, this feeling in my heart, see them and you will know how much i love her, God. One more thing to add, please guide me now and show me the way you have plan out for me, of course with her in this plan as well. I promise that i will be always loving towards her no matter what happens if you bring us two together. I love you, God. And i love her too. But please, talk to me. Don't leave me here without any word from you... cause you both, really make me feel abit lonely at times, please, just talk to me, it would be nice if you talk to me once in awhile, would you also tell her to talk to me once in awhile... be it sms or msn, i don't mind, i just like talking to her and i miss all those conversation we used to have...

So, I trust you, almighty father, creator of heaven and earth, to guide me from here onwards, i hope that you take good care of Jolyn and i hope that you allow me to love her with all of my heart and be there for her no matter what... And allow my mind not to wonder anymore, allow me to be patient in waiting for her and at the same time be brave, confident and be myself in front of her... Please push me to go to her and do things that will not only surprise her but make her feel good abt it and not wait there and do nothing about it. I love her and will always be there for her, God.

So please, don't let all those memories that i have to continue to stay as memories, instead help me turn them into reality and i promise you that i will always be loving towards her.

- The Dream -

2010-08-05T07:53:00.003+08:00

- The Dream -

Last night i had another dream of her again. Both of us were in a ice cream shop, we were looking at different flavors of ice cream and were deciding what to eat. i didnt think for long and when she ask me what i wanted, i said, "the same as you." She then laugh at me and next thing i know,

the ice cream guy was already scooping the ice cream of a very uniq

ue flavour, she asked me if its ok to eat this flavor. I look at her and said it was alright.

Then suddenly, she hug my left arm, it felt really good, and the slowly, her arm was around my left arm like how couples do.

i felt happy for a short moment. Then i immediately took my hand, and let my fingers interlock with hers, i then took the hand up and gave a kiss of her back hand before putting it down, continue to hold onto her hand as we waited for our ice cream. After awhile, she let go of my hand as both of us reach out to take our ice cream.

Its has been really a long while since i had a another nice dream of her again and God does work in mysterious way. Whatever it may be, i hope this dream do come true for me in this life and i would like to hold her hand for as long as i can. To be there for her. I do hope that i can win her heart and be the man of her dreams... Thank you God for this dream, it has really made me happy this morning.

Waiting for the inevitable

2010-07-29T08:55:00.002+08:00

- Waiting for the Inevitable -

This few weeks, i cant shake this feeling of fear off of me, each time i take a look at her and the other person i cant help but feel that i am losing her. i hate to say this, but i dont want to lose her, but it seems that perhaps i will eventually. God has been good all this time, the talks we had on msn, the phone messages were things that he had given to me. But each time, i think abt it, i feel there is something wrong abt it. I love her, but my mind is either playing tricks or its the actual fact rite in front of me, i dont want it to happen. i want a miracle from God this time round.

The nightmare i had a few night back, its killing me from deep within. i am so afraid. So afraid that i cant sleep at night, i am so afraid that i will continue to have similar dreams to it. All i am hoping is that she sees me and i hope that there is a slight chance of a possible relationship. I know that its never easy for a person like me, to fall in love. But i choose to hold on, knowing that it will kill me slowly. I dont want my heart to be crushed once again. i cant afford it to be crushed once again.

So God, will you give me signs of hope tat believing in you, something good will turn out for me and her. I feel that she is indeed special. i am willing to sacrifice alot for her. i just hope to see her smile. i hope she does well in life but the thing is, i hope that the person who is there to hold her and share all this joy of success will be me. So God, show me signs that wat i am doing is right.

I dont wan to lose her. So God, pls. I am asking for a miracle for me to be there for her. To be that guy to hold her and love her. I would like my happy ending now. And if it does happen God, i promise to declare to her and the whole world of your greatness. But pls God, dont let wat i fear most happen. it will surely crushed me...

Dreams of desire.

2010-06-08T08:01:00.002+08:00

- Dreams of desires -

Well, honestly, the past 2 months, it was kind of wonderful, God has always been good to me, the past 2 months, i had a rather interesting experience with her, it was a feeling that was like no other. The bond we had, the laughter and smile we shared, it was something that i had wanted from God earlier and it was given to me.

But, now as exams draw closer, i find myself in the state i used to be, its not because of the fact that she has stopped talking to me, its however the fact that i may be paranoid. Last night, i was talking to my brother abt it and he scolded me, he told me that this shldn't be the way i should be feeling, but i told him it was like something that any guy should feel when he comes across a girl he likes. And as usual, my brother told me not to let it affect me too much, but i am always bounded to problems like this, as much as you might want to tell me not to hold onto such feelings, i always do. Sad to say, i always carry my problems wherever i may go, ironically, i always tell people to share their problems with me so that they may feel better when i dont practise it myself. Sometimes, i hope she turns around and look at me, ask me about how things are and my studies, instead of me asking her most of the time.

Born on the 17 Jan, the day i was born on was known as the day of the Heavyweight, i am a motivator and a manipulator(this may not be so true as so far, i have tried my best not to manipulate pple). An each time i look back at life and the events around it, i believe that what the book wrote abt the day i was born, was relatively true, indeed, i have always been a friend who was there, caring and motivating others to do their best. And at the same time, i have also manipulated pple to do things that i wanted them to do in the past, i do not feel proud of it, and i hope that i dont have to do such things again.

I haven been sleeping well this few days, i have lots on my mind right now, of family, of exams and of pple. For the past 2 months, i had a dream that i found it to be something that i desire very much like my previous time, but this time, i finally got to see the person face and its the person that i desire to be with the most. My first dream was a rather short one, in it, she was sitting very close to me and we were talking abt something, suddenly, i gave her a peck on the cheek, what happens after that, was blank, i couldnt remember what happen. My second dream was early this morning, i woke up suddenly in the wee hours of the night, then i suddenly thought abt her, and as i let myself go back to sleep, i was thinking abt alot of things in my head, but suddenly, i was dreaming again. This time, we were outside, going to many places, then we ended up a place where i took a seat, she was just behind of me, next thing i know, her head was resting above my head, then after that, i left her hands wrap around my neck, i held onto her hand and her face was placed next to mine, it felt great, i was glad that it happen. i gave her a peck on the cheek, it felt as if it was so real and that i was already someone so close to her. we continue holding on to each other for awhile before she let go and said something weird, i look at her and smile, telling her not to worry abt it. We carried on with our journey to where we were heading to, the details of it was not clear and i could not remember what was in the dream. There was one last thing that happen through out the dream, the exact time or place where it happen, i have forgotten abt it. In the dream, we had a kiss, i dont really remember what things lead up to the kiss, but to me, it was something that was just wonderful.

That was pretty much my dreams, simply to put it, it was wonderful to have dreams like this, it was something from my heart, God took it and made it into a dream for me. I have always been grateful to God for all the things that happen, from the moment i met her for the first, to the feelings i have for her. I am grateful and for the first time, i will let God take me and use me to do whatever he may have in plan for me for today and possibly for the next few days. God, as you know, this is a offering that i am willing to give and i trust and have faith that you will do it in the way it pleases you, i would like you to give me the things that i desire most in my heart as well. The things i promise to you, God, are the things i will do as well for you when you you answer the request that i have ask of you abt her. So there is alot of stuff i am willing to do for you, God, so pls do answer my prayers abt the things i ask of you.

This is a jot down of the things that i have remembered till this day far, and if i do look back, i hope it provides myself a view of the things that happen and to be grateful for all of it. To remember the promises that i have made to God and to do it when he answers mine, because God is always there for me and answering my prayers.

Behind the mask, a broken smile

2010-04-22T05:00:00.002+08:00

- Behind the mask, a broken smile -

The thought of her lingers in my mind, the things he do to get her attention simply disgust me. The image of them talking abt something secretly still haunts me. i am so void of everything, to care for others and not demand any form of care in return, has eaten me up so bad that i can feel that i can break down and collapse any time.

I have been drowning myself alcohol this few days, just trying to relief or forget abt the things that happen. To tell ya the truth, i just needed that one person to come and care for me and i will be alot better then compared to the many others who care for me. Now i need her to affirm that care i need. Yesterday was the hardest day for me, i simply just lost all forms of hope and was in great despair. i suddenly felt that i lost not just my sense of humor, but a big chunk of me. I always hide my true emotion behind a fake front or a "mask", that is what i will call it. But recently, the mask was not able to hide most of my emotions and with last night events, i think the mask crack and everything was coming out of it.

The simple memories that what i have of her made my day, the nightmares of the things i did in the past kept me up in the middle night. Last night, i question God, asking him why, but as usual i did not get an answer, i beg him to talk to me, but still, no answer and each time i thank him for the small things that have happen up to that very day, all it took was just one thing and everything was gone, i felt like shit all over again.

So God, Please! Don't do this to me anymore, i am in a very vulnerable state then i always used to be. Please let her talk to me, ask her to care for me as well. Let her teach me how to smile. Don't do anything else to make me sad anymore, God, i cant take it anymore.

A Dream

2010-04-18T11:29:00.003+08:00

- A Dream -

It has been really awhile since i last dream about anything, but for each time i do dream about something, i am grateful. For me, i always have dreamless nights, waking up the very next day, just carrying on with my life. But for last night dream, its one of the few that i try to treasure and remember for as long as i can.

Last night dream was one of those that tells of the things you desire most in your heart. And like the few others that i have, this was one of those intresting one. In my dream, i was with this girl, we were attending a special function or some sort of event, the whole event was something that i cant really remember, but what followed after that was just wonderful.

Both of us were sitting down, each taking turns to lay our head on each other shoulder and just talking to each other. But what i remember the most was when i rest my head on her shoulder, she suddenly asked me, "What are you thinking about?" i immediately got up and face her, "Nothing really. But if i do have anything on my mind, you will be the first to know about it, i promise..." She looked at me and smiled, i smiled back and we continued talking before she placed her head on my shoulder, and after that, i just woke up immediately. i have no idea of how she look like, and like each dream, you wish that you can remember all the stuff and details of it.

This is one of those love dream i have once in a very long while, i am grateful for it. And God, thank you for it. Now pls let me find her and make her smile.

Something in Ages

2010-03-30T20:55:00.003+08:00

- Something in Ages. -

i do know of the fact that this blog is long dead, and that i have not touch it for indeed after so long, the same reason why this blog stopped is the same reason why this blog is back on. To throw all woes onto this blog is as good as telling the whole wide world abt your own problems.. But for now, i have no one to turn to, i am stuck with so many things in my head that i am ready to blow anytime.

As if the world have no similar problems that i am facing, there are many millions or hundred of thousands people who are faced with the same problems i have in life. Perhaps its that fact that after coming here to Sydney for just a month, i do feel a sense of void in my heart and require something to feel it in. But each time i think back of the things i use to do and of the things that i always think in the past, i tend to feel that indeed i do not feel that i am worthy of... yes, as u can tell, i am talking about girls... i know of that fact, that because that she is the only girl in our group, i tend to have feelings that i like her... its an indescribable feeling that i have felt... i have ponder a lot this few days and wonder the possiblility of the future, no matter how i think of it, its mostly likely not possible. Then some people will ask, if you know of such a possible outcome, then what for go on thinking about it. Then again, there are some who will ask, you have not even given it a chance, how do you know that it will not work out.

To tell you the truth, i know how the world revolve around the topic of love, then again, it might be my own opinion. People will always look at people outer appearance first, then followed by the inner character. Perhaps or maybe, if you dont look alright on the outside, then there is no point going on to look at the inner character. Correct me if you will, but i always think that seems to be how things may work. Perhaps i am still waiting for that special girl to prove all my theories wrong. To wait for her to appear now and not in the future has gotten me edgy and anxious that she will just appear out of nowhere. But no matter, how much effort i have put in to see it work, it always come to a sad ending.

I will always tell myself not to let this happen to me again... but in the end, i always seem to find myself in the same problem i have experience before. Sometimes, i wonder if its so difficult to find someone that can accept me for who i am, to let things go for a try, to see how things will work out to be. Or perhaps, it destined for me to always be a friend and nothing more serious that that... Though i may say that i do not want to have a relationship now as of fear of distraction, i would really like to experience how relationship is like. Call me foolish, but yes, i really want to know how its like, to be loved and love another person in return... i know that its not as simple as it may sound or magically like a fairy tale might put it to be, but still i would like to give it a go and see how things will progress.

Though to hear a compliment from her and feel that it has some meaning to it, i seem to be rather a big fool. To take it literally and hope that something good will happen out of it, means stupidity. But i always wish for miracle to happen and i hope that it happens to me. Now i know that out of the many of us, there are people who are making plans to grow close to her, i will however, stay at the side and monitor, i will not take part in it, i will never let anyone know of the things each person have told me about her. i will also not tell of the things she told me about herself, instead, i will just keep watch over her, i will make sure nothing bad will happen to her and if they do something wrong to her, i promise i will make life difficult for them.

Laugh all you want, people who has stumbled upon this website of mine, i know whatever i say here might be a load of crap or something that u might think as amusement. But this is what i want to say and i hope tat something good will happen out of this... Sorry to the people that have told me that you like her, i have not told you that i am also interested in her. i know that i do not even stand a chance against you all and have decided not to even mention one single bit of it.

So now, how things will turn out to be, i have no clue, like every man for himself, i hope that it will somehow favor me, out of that million chances, i really hope that it will favor me...

2006-07-01T15:40:00.000+08:00

- Sad day for Argentina -

Watch the game till late last night, so far this game is the only game that intrest me so far and i decided to give it a watch. Had long thought that Argentina could have won Germany on their home ground, but with last nite penalty shoot-out, it was a pure disappointment.

Though both teams draw at the end of full time, i would or have thought that Argentina will score 1 last goal in the extra time, however, the team didnt score. After the extra time, it was the penalty shoot-out, during this point of time, i was kind of on the edge as i watch each team took their shots, the first goal for both team was alrite, then followed by the second shot, Argentina missed it and by the third shot, both team scored again... However as i watch both side goal-keeper, i realised that Argentina goal keeper was either stupid or didnt noe wat to do, each time Germany took a shot, the keeper would not be able to save it, the 2nd and 3rd goal was ridiculous as the keeper jump towards the wrong side. The final goal from Germany was also another thing like tat of the previous 2 goals, the keeper jump towards the wrong side, and if u really watch the match, the keeper didnt even jump much.

Thats not the worst part, 2 of Argentina best player were not on the field during the match, the coach had decided to leave them to the game after this game with germany, however this was also one of the reason to their downfall. And Argentina main goal keeper was taken out of the game when he suffered a bad kick to his stomach or somewhere.. So that game, they had three people not in the match... So sian and too bad for Argentina, they lost... i thought at least they will win the game.

Shall watch tonite game as well then see who will move on. Been really busy and there are still more test to come the following week. Finally got the Course polo-tee and will be wearing it to sch on monday...

- Never underestimate your opponents or you will recieve a big blow from them. -

2006-06-08T10:42:00.000+08:00

Class BBQ

So wat have i been doing this past few days? Been really busy with alot of sch work and stuff like the DCHE chapter itself, but finally it all have ended and at least i still can take a short break for 2dae and 2molo. By next week, i will be at NTU the whole day, having to do my FYP... its not just for a week but for 2 weeks... There goes my holiday...

2nite is the big nite, will be having class BBQ at East coast park, but then again, due to my FYP the next day at NTU, i dont think i will be able to stay until quite late, so yar, will be staying at one of my frens house for the nite and go over to NTU the very next day... But any way, hope to enjoy myself while i am there 2nite, then there is always drinks of alcohol to go around... haha, have been quite a while since i last drank with my own gang...

BTW, bought a little something for some of the people 2nite, jus hope that they will like it... Any way, still doing the polo-tee for the whole DCHE students, have yet to come to a conclusion on the price of the polo-tee, but the committee and me are trying hard to find out the price frm the vendor and start the priniting on it immediately... Hope all turns out well...

- Missing feeling in my life, perhaps i lost it and will never find it back again. -

2006-05-23T14:05:00.000+08:00

- Friendless -

Currently in school now having lesson, but aint getting much of the teachings of my teacher's lectrure into my own head, perhaps its the way he talks, the way he pronouce some of his english, thats perhap why i dont pay attention to his lesson... but still, must try to listen as much as possible... although its kind of boring and the lesson is pretty dry...

'Lost a friend and gain hatred instead', this is part of my msn nick, i dont noe, its like he is still having this temper of his... i did say sorry the last time i made a very crude remark abt him in front of gems class, though i did feel kind of sorry abt it... he still seems kind of petty, i dont really noe but still i no longer pose a threat to him... perhaps its due to recent events that happen and now that tis also happens, he got so angry at the things tat happen... But there is one thing he shld at least noe, he did it to others in the past and now that he has got it back, he cant take it... thats kind of very petty of him... So now after seeing him treating me as like no one... i think i kind of get pretty flare up abt it... and thats explain my msn nick... i lost a friend and gain hatred instead... i jus simply hate the way he treats me now... it is so lame... both of us are in the wrong.. though i may be sorry abt it... he shld at least stop acting like that...

I perhaps have turn practically invisible in front of him, he hates me to the bones and i likewise sometimes, i wont deny this.... i have this kind of feeling some times.... so someone shld at least wake him up from this sturbon idea or perhaps i shld take a step first, who noes wat will happen first...

- Lost a friend but gained hatred instead. -

- pack week -

2006-05-08T07:38:00.000+08:00

- Pack Week -

this week gonna be a very long and pack week, everyday after sch i seem to have a event or meeting to occupy me... let me try to show u wat i have this week....

Monday
attend ISPE event somewhere at Tuas there.

Tuesday
Meeting with the people who are shortlisted for the new committe, both year 1 & 2, its an after school event

Wednesday
Meeting with the year 2 in planning the Meet-senior session, which this event is gonna be held next week

Thursday
Dinner with the DCHE ex committe members

Friday
Was to do FYP this friday, i wonder why i agreed to it when its on a public holiday, so jus have to see abt it...

So practically, this whole week is kind of pack wif lots of things to do, and this is not all of it, but part of it, there might still be some things i might have forget like sch work, assignment or other things which i might have promise to do during this point of time.

i got a sch laptop to do most of my fyp report, log book or even use it for perhaps a bit of personal use, like goin to msn messenger or even like now, blogging in macdonald... its kind of gd to have a laptop by my side, so much things tat can be done thru it.

have to wrap up now.. coz having lesson in another 10 mins or so... so shall end here and tell u guys more the next time...

- Perhaps in life, the beauty we seek sometime are just beside us -

- sick -

2006-05-01T19:15:00.000+08:00

- Sick -

i am coming down wif a bad case of cough and sore throat and apparently, my temperature has gone up quite a bit, so pratically, i am really sick tis time... been like tat for the past few days, jus took some normal medication at hme, but it seems to get worst each day and finally decided to go see a doctor near my house to get some really gd medicine to cure this sickness of mine...

Haven been doin much though during the past long weekends, but went to get my hp back frm nokia care and it was really a pissed off thing for me, had to travel back and forth to nokia care to make sure tat the hp is alrite, there was tis one time where i went back to nokia care to collect my hp, but didnt get it coz they say it was still away on service... however, the day before i called them and ask them if the phone was ready for collection and they said it was ready, perhaps some miscommunication within the pple inside nokia care... then after tat, called them again 2 weeks later and found my phone ready for collection and they never called me to come pick it up, wat service is this, i told them to call me once its done but they never.... anyway, went down to collect and found that my mmc card didnt work, wat to do, went back to nokia care again the next day to ask them wat happen and they help me wif it... now the phone is back and ready to use...

Wonder how tis week gonna pass by, will it be fun and happy, or will be it be jus plain boring and sad... we will jus have to see abt it... hope tis will be the week that i get to meet the professors frm NTU and that i can get started on watever is needed rite away and dont waste time, there are still alot of things to be done in sch and now its the 3rd year for me, i got lots and lots of work to be done. but anyway, jus pray that everything will be smooth sailing for me... hope i will be alrite soon, frm my cough and sore throat... hope i will also get a gd nite rest and everything will turn out jus ok ....

- Hold my hand and take me away to a place where you and i will be -

- Consumed -

2006-04-25T22:35:00.000+08:00

- Consumed -

As things get frm bad to worst, i start to feel that somehow i am being consumed alive by something which i dont even have the slightest clue... i guess after seeing alot of the things that one have never seem in life before, u tend to get more and more sad at the fact tat tis is how the way the world works and there never seem a way to even change the slightest bit of it... then there is always the feeling of being quite over sensitive...

Perhaps i shld be blaming myself for being quite sensitive, but wat i am feeling now is tat i am quite out-of-place...perhaps i sense no belonging to the class... after all, i witness some of the pple in class being classified as "Aliens" and have understood their feelings when they are treated so... but then again, their braveness in accepting the fact for who they are really impress me... i really get to have a first hand experience of how people like to say abt the other person and how a grp can be formed to jus condemn this person... i dont noe but it jus the fact it pretty kind of scares me... then there is always the type of hiding behind a mask of pretending, where pple still carry on wif the things they do, still talk to the person they hate as if they dont hate tat person... perhaps jus blame me for being plain naive... perhaps i grew up in a place where i never ever experience such a thing before...

i dont really wat to say now or feel, but watever it is, i wish for it to go away.. its been happen ever since sentosa and i wish for it jus go away.... it is consuming me so bad and i still wonder if my frens are still around and wif me... all i really wan now is a time wif my frens...

- As i struggled, i am slowly consumed bit by bit by it -

- Karma? -

2006-04-23T15:52:00.000+08:00

- Problems? -

Been thru the first week of sch and every thing is jus intense... can feel the stress now even though it is jus the first week of sch... but then again... no matter wat, i shld persevere and work towards my goal of getting gd grades. Ended the week by goin back to sch for a survey which takes me only 25 mins and after tat i was free.... there wasnt any class on friday coz it was our course project day and it was jus a day set aside for us to do our project.

Things are getting some what ugly now-a-days, friends get angry wif one another for the things they do to each other... perhaps its the FYP thingy that we are all edgey abt... my grp had got a project frm one of the lecturer, its an external project which we will be working wif NTU, however, another grp came along and wanted to project as well... then we had to wait for another few more days before we could get the lecturer's decision on which grp will do the project... if the lecturer had decided that my grp was to do since we came early and ask for it and the lecturer had plan to keep the project for us, then we wouldnt have worried and take up another project... jus say that i was kind of frustated at the whole thing, but luckily, we got another project frm another lecturer.. But the sad thing is that our classmate wanted the project as well, but the lecturer gave it to us and they didnt got it... the other grp was so angry at us and wanted to send the project for balloting, this would mean tat the project would be open up to other people who has an intrest in it( due to the nature of this project, it was a special project where the lecturer chooses his own team of student to do it, and it was an external project wif NTU), and also that it will mean tat both grp will have little chance of getting the project... eventually, my grp got the project while the other grp didnt...

This friday will be meeting wif the professors frm NTU, and frm there will be startin our project. i hope that everything will turn out rite and that i will not give up on myself during the last year in SP. May god bless me wif health, wisdom and knowledge thru out my stay here in SP...

I see frens having problems and the things they intend to do to one another... i dont noe... but its some how jus that this year, everything had gone simply out of hand and things are getting pretty chaotic. think i might have loss a fren to me very closely or perhaps not, perhaps i am jus too sensitive abt it... but then again... the things he done before, jus some how cant stand it.... now as he faces another problem in his life... he blames the person who tryin to give him problems. He say he will make the life of the person who is givin him problems a living hell, but then come to think of it, i think it jus the things he done in the past that he deserve it... alot might think tat he aint in the wrong... since most of my brothers owe him due to their project work... but then again... if they can think for themselve, its him who deserve it for the things he done in the past... shant talk much on it... but watever the outcome, we shall see abt it... jus pray that i dont lose any more frens wif anyone and especially my brothers in sch, pray tat i continue to build relationship wif them.

- For the things we do it the past, can only contribute to the things that happen today. -

- After a long time -

2006-04-17T19:24:00.000+08:00

- After a long time -

Its been really awhile since i last came back to the blog, didnt have much things to write and was not willing to write since most of the things in my blog where gone, the background, the tag board was also gone, didnt noe what really happen but it jus seem that the links for the layout picture was moved, took me only quite a while before i could find it back and now at last, the whole thing is restored...

Been at jurong island for the past 6 weeks for a chemical process training, at first, didnt really enjoyed the first 3 weeks there, coz the lectures was simply boring and the place was kind of out in the no where and the weather there was hot... however after the 3rd week, things got pretty fun and by the forth week, most of our lectures had ended and we did a fire fighting course during the fourth week, we played wif the fire hose and were drenched from head to toe... tat day rain when we were doing the fire fighting... had a nice trainer called loo shiun who did a gd job in teaching our group, then the fifth week came and we started our shift, intresting thing is that durin our shift, the whole group was either playing chinese chess, watchin some chinese drama on their laptop, sleeping in classroom, playing ping pong and basketball, i aint joking when i said that, at CPTC, there are 2 table tennis table and a basketball court for u to play... jus did 3 days of shift and it was kind of tiring yet enjoyable... but the sixth week, we had our graduation. during this whole 6 weeks, i got to noe students from NP, they were in the same grp as me( group 6 is the group i am and its the only group that has a mixed of 2 polys which is SP & NP) and other pple from my school as well, pple whom i never got to noe during the lectures in the lecture hall... its great noeing them, but as the week came to an end, we left the CPTC reluctanly and said that some day, we will meet each other some where else outside....

Today is the 1st day i go back to sch, didnt do much though, jus went for some classes hear the briefing on the module overview and left, as for some of the classes, we had to start lesson immediately... sad to say, there wasnt any holiday for my course pple as we had oru attachment to attend... jus after graduation, 3 days later, i find myself all the way back at SP, starting a brand new year as a year 3 student, time fly real fast and it has been 2 year since i join SP DCHE in year 1, sure gonna miss the time with my frens once year 3 is over, but non the less, i will make the best out of the time that i have left in poly, i will be tryin to hang out wif my frens more and do things wif them and hope tat even if year 3 ends, we still can continue to see each other...

hmm... need to get my tag board done soon, but its gonna take quite a while before i can really get it done... until then, keep ur comments before my tag board comes along...

- The start of the brand new year in SP -

Thinking

2006-02-25T01:47:00.000+08:00

Thinking

Currently, now awake in the middle of the silent night, unable to go back to slp. Talkin to gary as well. then intro me to see the MV for this song called That's my Goal by Shayne Ward, jus a guy who won the pop idol in america. Nice video and song.

Went drnking with frens on thursday nite, all the way @ Jurong East, jus the 8 of us who were at the coffee shop drinking beer... before that, after one of our papers, we all went down to teck whye there to play bball, played for 2 hrs or so before all of us left for home and met back at jurong east @ 8pm tat nite. Then we started drinking frm 8.30pm onwards... suddenly one of us was curious, he was curious to whom one of our friend might like in class. Then he ask each of us who we liked and each of us said one after another, when it come to my turn and i said the same old person, one of my brother then told me i shld better wake up, and forget abt her... then i think i got very angry and said that i didnt give a damn and then if wanted to wake me up, he would need to come close to me and slap me... then i jus sat there pretty angry over it.

Ever since tat nite, it made me think back all the things tat had happen once before... though one of my brother did say that if we werent brothers at all, he wont have even said to me... but to me i noe wat i am doing, to some, they may love alot of other gals, to some only one, perhaps i do fall into tat place.. jus lovin one person... though that brother of mine did say sorry for making me really piss that nite... i dont noe if they will ever noe wat i am thinkin of...

next 4 days are goin to be my studies day where i will be needing to study on my thermodynamics and chemical reaction... this will be my last 2 paper and after that, a short holiday before i go off for my attachment. so everyone, wish me best of luck for my last 2 papers.

-Perhaps you all need to be in my shoe for once...-

- Exams -

2006-02-22T11:07:00.000+08:00

- Studies -

now in sch, studying for fluid mech, everyone seems to be studying, but jus old me who is sitting in front of the computer, typing out tis entry. Pretty dumb though, shld be studying wif them instead of doing this lame shit, but wat the heck, will be back to study once i am done wif this.

Having exams for this 2 weeks and once its all over, i am considered a free man for only 3 days.. yup jus 3 days ... after that i am off to chemical process training centre (CPTC) for my attachment .. and its gonna be boring and long, as long as 6 weeks... And its located all the way at jurong island and everyday i would have to travel there.... pretty sian though

Com down for the past 3 weeks already, had wanted to send it for repair, but my father did ask me if i wanted to get another one since i told him that the com was pretty old, to be exact, the com is abt 5 yrs old... cant wait for the new one to come soon, been away frm the com for too long...

Heard of news of her, wonder how she is doing with her studies, hardly see her anymore but the image of her appears every now and then in dreams of which i dont understand...any way, shld be getting back to work liao, next time i update, will be on my new com... jus hope i do update until then... see ya around... =] Wish me luck for the exams...

- Turning back just to see that smile of yours again... -

- Christmas -

2005-12-27T09:58:00.001+08:00

- Chirstmas -

so let me tell u guys wat i have been really doing for the past few days or weeks i would presume(haven been really updating this blog). Christmas jus ended abt a few days ago, my frens and i all enjoyed ourself during this point of time, both church frens and school frens...

23rd December
On the eve of christmas eve, my church frens and i wen off to do some last min christmas shopping for the other church frens, before we went off to catch a movie that was to be screened at 1.00 am tat nite... we bought alot of stuff which somehow had no link or no sense and gave it to some people... like one of my fren who got a bratz doll and we were jus laughin away when we gave it to him.... we bought one toy gun to one of our frens who was still in the army and he kept playin the gun the whole nite long, and to another, we bought a turtle soft toy for him, coz we call him turtle boy( his reaction kind of slow, tats why he became turtle boy) and after tat, we went off to play lan at paradiz centre, coz we had plenty of time and didnt know wat to do... after tat, started walking back and we manage to reach back to the cinema in the time.... we went to buy the tickets but due to our surpirse, the 1 am slot left only the front role and we decided to wait for the 1.40am movie, which had more seats. we sat down and talk, before goin in to the cinema and watch the movie, by the time the movie ended, it was like 4am plus in the morning... and we went back to a fren place to spent the nite... during tat nite, we got a brotherhood ring and a wrist band to signified tat we were brothers in christ, only 8 of us got tis stuff...

24th December
Woke up the next morning and play bball in my fren house before we all got ready to go to heartland mall to have lunch and done some more last min christmas shopping for our church frens.. and we got some really nice gift, like the cross which hanged by my hp now... then after lunch, we went back home to get ourself ready for the church service tat nite and after the whole nite service, almost all the youth went to the prata shop near our church to have supper... and after tat, we went back home...

25th December
Busy day for me, i had a chirstmas dinner tat nite with all of my school frens, they had long planned tat nite, after tat morning service, my brother and i went down to Heartland Mall Cold Storage to collect the stuff which we order for dinner, but before tat, went up to a mobile stall where one of my cousin was workin to purchase my new hp, the N70... had met her a few days early to tell her i would be coming to purchase the phone... once i got my hp, i proceed down stair to the supermarket and collected my stuff and went off to the taxi stand, so much things to carry and its so heavy.... then went back home and started preparing all the food before all my frens came to my place for the party, everyone had lots of fun tat nite and one of my lecturers came too, Mr Ho, he brought us a bottle of red wine. Around, 10 plus onwards, everyone started leaving for home...

This christmas, it had been really fun and nice to be with all of them.. and i hope tat the new year will start with a more fun filled and exciting time wif all my family, frens and brothers.

- No Meaning -

2005-12-06T23:19:00.000+08:00

- Garbage -

I feel as time goes by, my presence as a fren starts to drop, my value no longer holds on to the price it once had... I some times even think to myself, if it was worth it all to make frens tat i thought would last for live, but it seems tat things always come and go and there is no such thing as "Forever", even if there had been the used of the term "Forever", it would only last for tat very short moments only...

I somehow feel tat i am discarded garbage... after its use, i am thrown away, i dont noe if i shld go on doing gd to others, helpin them in watever way i possible can, but even if i dont, some people will start to call me selfish and start condemning me for it... how nice these frens are, dont u think...

For all the time i spent being nice to others, helpin them in time of need and to realise tat once all this things are finally gone, i no longer be of service... scraped this piece of garbage, coz its no longer of any use... as a fren, i feel thrown away, no longer feeling the once friendship tat i started out with... so much for being there with u... and comforting you, once over, i am of no value anymore...

I hate being nice and all and all i get is this stupid comebacks for nothing, 'tat fat boy" "u think only" "Say me and u sure die" ARGH! All this bullshit and the fuck up things tat a fren say! I HAVE HAD IT... u think u cant be said, and can only say other... u think someone is wrong and u are right... u think tat the things u do is always better and tat someone idea is completely crap... Watever u think, there is always 2 ways to things in life.... I feel so disgusted being a fren and the things i get, its simply crapped.. i dont noe why i even have frens in the first place?! To tell u the truth, some of my frens have the foulest mouth in this fuck-up world! Hello, the times tat someone was once down and i was there to help u, now i get is tis... thanx alot, i really need it, "I REALLY NEED IT!"

JUST GO AND DIE!

- Been Away -

2005-12-04T19:04:00.000+08:00

- Been Away -

Been away for quite some time, have been busy wif school work and many other stuff... btw, went for the my church youth retreat and it lasted for 2 days, and now i am finally back hme... 2molo gonna be a new start of another week and jus another 3 more weeks before X'mas come... Cant wait for it to come and i can celebrate wif all of my frens...

Now finally become a youth mentor... but still i am a young mentor and i need to find a mentor for myself... but not sure who can be my mentor.. hope god can show me who i can find.. haiz, pressure on me now.. there are so many things to do and so little time.... my whole week next week is gonna be a very tiresome one.. got reports to do, math test tat is comin and i wonder if i can pass tis up comin test, 2molo need to go order the turkey and the other stuff for x'mas...

Have been tryin out tis buddy programme, kind of weird and funny, u can play wif ur buddy... tickle him, throw him a rubber/baseball or if u're a sadist, u can try use a missle to hot him, or have god power, make him explode in a click of a mouse and earn money to buy new stuff each time... kind of fun and cool.... =]

There is a very feeling inside me and its kind of sad though, coz i am feelin something like never felt before and i hope for it to go away...

-Open my eyes and let me see where you are, Lord! -

- Haircut -

2005-11-15T20:47:00.000+08:00

- Haircut -

After so long, perhaps a year or so.. i had one proper and decent hair cut .... Have been like keepin my hair for so long, not sure of wat to cut and hopin to find one suitable one to fit me... at long last or perhaps due to the nagging of my frens, i cut my hair and style it to give a brand new and refreshing look to myself....

Today went to Yew Tee there to pei WC, YC & MC and see them dye their hair... at first wanted to jus see them dye their hair... but little did i noe i join them in and had my hair cut... and no, if u thought i dye my hair.. i didnt... my parents dont allow so i guess i will jus stick to black hair...

Anyway after tat... went off to WC house there to play mahjong.. MC & YC suggested it coz jus nice got 4 pple and WC house got mahjong table and tiles... and MC scold me say last time promise him to go to WC house play mahjong but ended up never go... didnt win much... kind of really lousy at the game of mahjong... i think i suck at it....

After the game, took train back to serangoon and went back home, but before goin home had to stop by the market and get dinner for the family to eat...then after tat mum came to fetch me... And also i got some time to blog... lots of things also comin up on my schedule... lots of plannin to do wif the DCHE chapter comm members... got fun fair stall to set up, our course polo tee shirt to finalise and get it done and sell to our own DCHE students and there are lots of things i wan to get but just so little money... haiz... oh well guess i got to be savin up soon....

- Your face warms my heart, your laughter melts it and your smile kills it.... -

- Long time -

2005-11-08T22:37:00.000+08:00

- Long time -

It has been really quite a long while since i put anythin into tis blog of mine, and wat i originally started out to achieve for my blog has once again become so distant again... yup, tis blog of mine seems kind of lost and also dull, there aint life in it becoz of the serious bloggin problems i have... and tis means tat i have either been too busy or plain lazy not to be able to blog anything abt my life....

But there are so many things tat happens in a person life every day, be it intrestin or even bad for them... but i hardly put those things down into tis blog of mine, pple put in their thoughts, ideas, feelins and many other concept into their blogs to let other see the type of person they are... and i am of course are one of tis type of pple....

Anyway, went to eunos tat side today to book my basic theory test date wif YC & Clarence... was quite fast in gettin the registration done while we were there.. but we left for home after we were done there... the guys took bus 58 frm there back to serangoon with me...

Went to meet my Chairman and Tacher-in-charge today, Eka & Mr Edison, discussed wif them on the issues tat are to be covered in 2molos meetin lots of plannin and stuff to talk abt and also a moral boost will be needed to raise the committe spirit to work once again... hope all goes smooth and well 2molo... its gonna be a long day 2molo wif only 2 lesson in the morning and a make-up lecture frm 3 - 5pm in sch... then frm 5pm onwards will be havin meetin and hopin to make it simple and sweet but yet there are so many to discuss and things to do...

The on-comin weeks are abt to get more tougher and harder as the assignment, projects and pratical reports come in, lots of make-up classes are goin to be made and there goes my early day off frm sch... alot of days in tis semester falls under the holiday catergory... though we get to enjoy the holidays, the make-up class will surely bring us much "suffering"....

Went over to see her blog abt a couple of days ago and notice her recent entry... i was jus wonderin was it plain coincident tat i had quite a similar thought like her... but wat ever it is... i let u pple decide it for me... i miss her~

- Regardless where you may go, my heart will always follow you... -

- Schoolin -

2005-11-03T21:33:00.000+08:00

- Short entry -

Once again i am back to sch... the holidays are now over and its time for me to put my thinkin and studyin cap back on... another semester of intensive studyin is abt to unfold... But as for 2dae and tuesday, i have been enjoyin the public holidays at hme wif my family...

Speakin abt which.. been wantin to get my hands the Nnokia N70, think it looks kind of nice, beside, the plan is now eligible for upgradin and i think i can get it hopefully by Jan, provided there aint any troubles at all... Anyway, lots of things and presents to get for tis month, coz 2 of my best buddies are havin their bdae on tis month... so have to spend quite abit and get their gifts...

2dae entry will be short and there aint anything much to sae... before i go.. here is the pic of the N70 phone...

The Nokia N70

- Survey -

2005-10-21T22:44:00.000+08:00

- Personality test -

You're an ENFP

What's there to say about you? You're an initiator of change and are keenly in tune to possibilities... you're enthusiastic, and it's contagious...you're tireless in the pursuit of newfound interests... You can anticipate the needs of others, and offer them needed help and appreciation. You bring zest, livelihood, and fun to all aspects of your life...

You're agreeable, sociable, outgoing and like to imagine yourself in the future... who will you marry? what type of work will you do? where will you live? All questions you ask yourself...you like to keep your options open...you're imaginative...curious...you prefer to understand than judge..

You see endless possibilities. You hate to be boxed into anything -- like a career -- for life...so you hesitate and resist making decisions...always look for new and novel...

You like a learning environment where the teacher takes a personal interest in you...You're motto might be: "There's always a better way or a better answer.."... when you're committed to something, you are enthusiastic to the point of preaching to the whole world about it (...like the Storm Palace?)

Your style of organization is... well, personalized. Others don't really see you as organized, though, do they? YOU know what's where, and there's a "method to your madness," huh?

You have a hard time separating work from leisure, since you have fun while you work. You're always on the lookout for new things... you like learning with others, so you'll invite 'em to join you at films, plays and classes.

When you fall in love, you study the other person in every way. The one you fall in love with is "the best ever" a lot, huh? Sheesh. But others feel unconditionally loved by you ....you fall head over heels and get in love FAST. You are charming...full of vitality...you treat others with sympathy, gentleness, and warmth...

Last part: watch out for losing your focus 'cause you wanna try too many ideas at the same time... you don't prioritize, so you can overload...also, because you're just a fun-loving animal, you might not complete important work and basic responsibilities...

ENFP: "Every day, New Fantastic Possibilities"

Found tis at amandas blog... took it and tis is wat it saes... how true it is... i let u pple decide it for me... =]

- At last -

2005-10-19T10:42:00.000+08:00

- The long wait is OVER! -

The long and nervous wait for my results have come to an end at last... though tis time results dont have any As, i still feel tat it was alrite.. manage to pass all modules once again... and some modules grade really surprises me anyway.. here are the grades as shown:

CP4009 BASIC INSTRUMENTAL ANALYSIS - B
CP5007 FLUID MECHANICS A - B
CP4011 PROCESS INSTRUMENTATION - B+
MS2223 ENGINEERING MATHEMATICS IIA - B+
CP5008 HEAT TRANSFER & EQUIPMENT - C
CP5022 PLANT UTILITIES - C+
BA006B INTRODUCTION TO HUMAN RESOURCE PRACTICES - C+

Thank god for all the modules and the blessin he have given me all tis while... =] didnt expect fluid mech to get such a gd grade... a "B"... was expectin tis module to be one of the worst module scored... but then again.. it really surprise me alot.... anyway... Now i can goin back to being myself again and will be seein all of frens again next sem.... at long last, the wait is over! now i can relax once again before sch starts in another 2 weeks or less....

Feel like goin out and practically done anything tat don require money at all.. coz now really no money to do things... there is also shoes tat i wan to get for the new sch terms.... but then again... too bad now really no money.... haiz... oh well, gotta postponed the shoe dream already.... wait next sem then go buy.... sianz... think i will go gary house one of tis day or go someone house to play mahjong the nite thru... LOL! shall update again soon... byez ! =]

- The reason we exist on earth is for God's very own purpose... -

- Results... OMG! -

2005-10-17T10:11:00.000+08:00

- Results.... OMG! -

Jus the thought of the results being released tis comin wednesday have been keepin me awake for the past few nites.... wasnt able to fall asleep well at nite, constantly gettin up every 45mins or 1 hr and jus staring into the darkness of the nite... only manage to get some sleep after 3am like tat... woke up like 9 plus every morning....

Still very worried over all my results, but the most worry comes frm fluid mech itself.... Hope to promote to the next stage, aint wanna be left behind... Tis few days haven been doin much either.... nothing much to do durin the holidays, money running dry also... so guess tat signals to me tat i have to stay at home more....

Went back to sch jus a few times, tried to play dota but the lab tech jus keeps "haunting" us non stop... in the end got caught for playin lan games, WTF!, dont see other pple being caught on any other days... Si bei Sianz! Missed the good old days of playin pool wif frens.... suddenly have tat urged to go play... but then again.. no money how to play at all... Haiz...

Went to play lan wif my church frens yesterday, only 4 of us went, only played one game and all of them left, maybe due to the lack of the usual pple who played wif us... then everyone also no mood to play at all.....Raining heavily yesterday, came hme drenched frm head to toe... didnt bring an umbrella wif me to church... Cant wait for thursday to come soon, can go play bball wif classmate.... i shall update soon... maybe next one is my result liao.... see yaz!

- Be who you are and not what people want you to be.... -

- Gaming -

2005-10-11T21:26:00.000+08:00

- Gaming -

Went back to sch yesterday to play Lan games, actually the original idea was to go back and pei Da ge watch his Final Fantasy movie or something like tat... but in the morning went wif clarence to paradize centre there to play pool coz he sae at home very bored... so went there to play pool.... Met him at dohby ghuat, but went to play maximum tune first.. long time no play already... then met clarence and went over....

Went back to sch at around 1pm like tat, had our lunch and went over to the com lab to play dota, wilson came along to play wif us....played 2 rounds b4 gary and MC came to the lab and the 5 of us continue to play dota till around 4 plus like tat, MC went off for work, the rest of us went over to another com lab to meet Da ge.. Then went off for dinner at FC3 and then we went to City hall wif Da ge coz he sae he meetin frens there.... We went over to MC work place to see him and at the same time eat ice cream... After tat, went back hme wif Gary & Sabrina..

Today stayed at hme helpin my mom shift furniture.. 2molo will be goin out wif clarence coz his bade is 2molo... hope to blog more in details the next time round... See ya!

- Fun -

2005-10-09T16:17:00.000+08:00

- Fun and tired -

So the chalet finally ended, some of the pple who stayed overnite for the past 3 days had lots of fun... fun in a sense of rounds and rounds of mahjong at nite till late morning then goin to slp.... So was really pretty shag after the whole 3 day 2 nite chalet... though the place at costa sand pasir ris was very quiet but we still manage to have fun non-the-less....

1st day/nite:
Went over to the chalet at around 2.30pm wif amanda, ended waitin for gary and the rest to come to the chalet then check in for the rm... coz gary and WC went to pick up satay... Ask clarence to come over to chalet to find and play cards together.... in the end, got told off by the auntie not to play cards there...so we waited and we chat before gary came and we check into the lobby, and got the rm key.... The unit was 2 rooms big, one the livin rm, the other was the bedrm, the whole unit was facing the swimming pool, we place our stuff there and some of us started playin mahjong... Started the BBQ at around 6pm plus like tat, mr ho came to the bbq, the only lecturer.... he was nice to bring us liquor.... then we drank liquor the whole nite and i felt pretty high after drinkin it....

2nd day/nite:
Woke up the next morning wif the rest of the guys, some of us was playin mahjong all nite long, then most of the guys went for a swim in the pool, some girls join us... then after our swim, most of the pple went back home, left only 5, 6 of us there who will be spendin the 2nd nite, so we went off wif the rest who were goin home, for lunch at downtown east and then after tat they went home, we went back to the unit to rest for awhile before goin out for a walk to downtown east to purchase drinks and some snacks.... had 4 large pizzas for dinner tat nite and we were really full..... And then another round of all nite long mahjong started again....

3rd day:
Everyone who was playin mahjong went off to slp at around 6am tat morning after playin for so long... then they slept frm 6 plus till 9.30 am in the morning before wakin up and started packin all their personal items.... it was time for us to check out frm the rm... at 10am plus like tat, we went over to the lobby and check out, then walk down to downtown east tat side to catch a cab and went hme...

Have been really tired since i return frm the chalet....as for today, i juz got back hme frm Lan wif church frens and now i am bloggin... To tell u the truth.. the feelin of missin her is back once again... everyone says the easy way out of tis is to let go of the person u have feelins for and forget it? Is it really the best way out? coz if there is another way then tis... i would like to take and i would like to remember her and hope someday i can be back to who we once were and never let a prob like it happen.....

My Moblog
i am goin to place it under my links, please feel free to visit it...

- Starin into the blue sky, wishin for God to let me fall in love with her again... -

2005-10-04T07:38:00.000+08:00

Chalet

I am recievin complaints tat i haven been bloggin for quite some time already... and tat the last update was kind of 2 weeks or more ago... so now with the holidays around... i guess i can once again update all the stuff i need...

Jus finish my sem papers not long ago...now i am currently havin holidays, all the papers are quite hard... i jus pray hard tat i dont failed any of the papers espically Fluid mech and i repeat fluid mech... damn paper got very weird Qs... finish all my papers like last friday and went K-boxin wif my classmate at chinatown there... it was a form of enjoyment after the exam and it was really really fun...

Went out on sunday to church and then to the Lan-shop for Dota... tis time really had lots of fun playin the game coz no longer restricted wif the time i have.. so played dota in the lan shop like for 5 hours straight... Then after tat, went back home....

Yesterday went out to chua chu kang there to shop for BBQ items for the upcomin chalet tis wednesday or i would prefer to sae... its 2molo.... i will be away on chalet frm the 5th to the 7th of October... Went shoppin wif wei chee and Da ge Jun yuan and bought most of the stuff we need, jus left a little food left for all the others seafood we have yet to get... after buyin the things, took a cab down to wei chee house and left all the bbq items at his place...

Will be goin out later to celebrate Gary's bdae at orchard... goin to catch a movie at cineleisure... And i hope i am goin to have tis few days at the chalet and then after... so frm now till the weekends.. i wont be bloggin... but i hope to blog real soon when i return....

- Angels have no names but pretty faces that we remember them by... -
- You're an angel in my heart -

- Exams -

2005-09-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

- Exams? -

So exams are really near the corner... and i dont think tat i will be those type who will like gasp wif their mouths really wide open... stare blankly into deep space, then suddenly be awaken by a big shocked and brought back to earth by knowin tat exams are near and tat no time is left to study.....

"GASP!"
*Terry stares blankly into space, wif mouth wide open*
*silence for a moment*
*suddenly jerk abit*
And says, " I am in deep shit now! Exams are near and i haven start studyin?!"

Nah... tis type of situation wont happen, but for a person like me... i would hope for me to be in tis type of state... coz i am jus plain lazy, lazy to the extent tat sometimes i leave studyin to the very last min and i try to cramp every single thing frm the notes into my head.... Guess i shld at least try forcing myself to study abit... if i hate it, cant be help, but a bit of toughness here will ensure me my sweet freedom after the semester exam....

So wat have i been doin 2dae.... went to sch 2dae for some maths consultation and realise tat i totally forgot how to do basic integration, then left the class around 11 plus to go wif MC to the admin block to get his sch fee paid and then wanted to go over to FC1 to meet the rest but they ended up eatin their lunch first and were on their way to the comp labs at T7, so me and MC went on wif them to the comp lab to have our "relaxation programme"...

Was playin a game of DotA halfway when YC mentioned again tat we were suppose to meet WC at JP to watch a movie at 1pm.... it was like already 12plus when we took a look at the time again.. so we left our game half way and took a train down to JP to catch the movie, " The longest yard"

This movie quite nice and funny to watch, kind of really worth the money i paid... its been a really long time since i watch such funny movie by adam sandler.... This is one movie i would surely buy when the VCD is out.... BTW, tis movie story line, i have seen it somewhere else before, its exactly the same, but tis time its change frm soccer to american football... But the team name for both movie have not changed... and the name of the prison team is called mean machines... a movie which i think its worth watchin.... find time to catch it at least for pure relaxation...

*Click the pic to see the trailer*

After the movie, went back to sch there to meet the rest, didnt get off the train, coz we were expectin them to board the train wif us... but we didnt noe tat they were at the other end of the train and we were at the first cabin, so we started walkin to the back of the train... until we came to the middle of the train and decided to exit frm one of the doors at bouna vista and rush all the way to the back of the train and enter frm there.. but wat surprise us was tat they werent at the back, they were still at dover... So we waited for them at commonwealth and boarded the train
wif them...And then we went home...

Guess tats all for 2nite.. will be hoppin to find things to write asap... otherwise tis blog is so goin to be like the previous one.... See ya all real soon

- The eternal battle between Good & Evil wages on through out Heaven, Earth & Hell -

- wats there to talk? -

2005-09-11T21:37:00.000+08:00

- Wats there to talk? -

Today went to church as usual.... but it was my church's 49th anniversary... and there was the church lunch after the combine service at 10am... went for it... and the lunch was so and so... today seem to be worst then all the other sundays, perhaps today wasnt really such a great day after all....

My left ankle still hurts once in awhile... guess i didnt let it really recover well frm the previous twisted ankle incident.... i come to realise something, people wif out real gd looks aint tat much "popular"? Take for example, if u guys have seen me and my brother, then u would surely noe the difference in our looks, my brother is more "shuai" then i am... perhaps i shld blame it on people's thinking tat gd looks are still better then people who are butt ugly... Dont tell me u dont have tis type of thinkin before... come on... we aint tat naive... we have at least thought of it once every single day of our life... naturally, if the person is butt ugly.. u wouldnt even pick up the idea of goin over, startin a conversation wif the person at all... dont even talk abt sayin a hello to tat person, cuz we all noe deep down in our hearts, we aint gonna do it... Am i generalising it? u ask urself tis Qs., have u ever had such a thought.. if i am wrong... then i guess u prove me wrong.... my brother naturally have much more people talkin to him then to me.... perhaps its really the "looks" issue tat got him so much attention....

Read the papers and come to feel tat singaporeans kind can really be sick..... jus the recent incident tells alot of things abt a singaporean... can u imagine... jus some dispute and a person dies jus like tat, instead of jus "Oh god! wat i have done?" and stoppin there, the person still goes onto cuttin up the dead person body and throwin it at orchard rd.... 2 incident jus like tat... cant imagine when the next one like tis will happen again... Would u do something like tat? perhaps u would have thought tat i surely wouldnt do it at all.... perhaps u would also have thought... the person should at least practise some self control and not do something to let it become something like tat..... all we can do now is jus say out wat we might think, but when the real thing comes, some times we arent able to do wat we sae before...

Got a test 2molo... study abit at least... hope i will be able to study more 2molo... at least finish up the rest of it by 2molo... Oh well.... gonna slp real soon.... have gd rest and wake up bright and early 2molo.... The exams are real close and pray hard tat i will do well tis comin semester exam.. Are u ready guys? Lets all study really hard for the up comin exam...!

- The human heart has been corrupted by the world we live in since we were born -

- Feelin Blues -

2005-09-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

- Feelin Blues -

Never ever understood the reasons why such feelins even exist in my life... i somehow feel that somethings are no longer of importance... Or is it jus plain sensitivity tat makes one feel tat way?? Some parts of my life seems rather bleak once again, once i walk over some humps in life, i find tat i still reach back into the dark valley where i once came frm... there never seem to be an end to the up & downs in life, or is there?

I seek a person who can really understands the every action and things i do in life, i am desperately lookin for such a person, no matter how much i try findin, tis hope of findin him/her seems to be drawin further and further away frm me.... In tis world, friendship is jus a phrase to some people while to others it is a real bond tat exist between many other individuals.... The frenship in tis world is not very ideal, there are some instances where true frenship, as such frenship exist only due to benefit something out of tat person.... in the end, tis so called "Frenship" ends wif a backstab to ur back and u realise, wat went wrong all tis while? So y do we act as frens and turn as backstabbers, in this world, very little true frenship ever exist, and if it does exist then i would sae we are lucky to have such frenship....

The very reason tat frenship exist is not out greed, but of kindness and the joy it brings... But somehow, people in certain frenship tend to lose their importance and people tend to forget abt them, and in the end, they are left out of the picture.... As a fren, tell them u appreciate them and enjoy them to be around u, at the same time, do not let frenship to be a form of benefit for u to get something gd, it aint worth it....

Here is the song frm my blog Lost Good Things, before i end off tis entry... there is a question i need to find out," Do u all appreciate the things i do and my very existence as a fren?"

- As the flowers loses its petal, the very importance of its beauty fades as well -

- New Bag & Wallet -

2005-09-03T21:38:00.000+08:00

- Bag, Wallet and a whole lots of ice creams -

At last, another time for me to go shoppin for my stuff again.... And i finally gotten a new bag and wallet for myself again.. but tat wasnt all tat i got for myself... i also bought the Initial D VCD home, it comes wif nice magnets also... Went out shoppin wif my gang of brothers yesterday at bugis there.... went to the stall called Zinc @ EDGE... found a really nice bag which they recommended me to buy and so i bought it.... it looks kind of nice wif the patterns on the bag... Then YC also bought a pair of sunglass for himself.... he kind of like it also... We went downstair to the Wallet shop and got myself a new wallet... didnt like my other wallet, FX.... looks kind of weird... didnt knew Y i bought it in the beginning....

Then we went off to PS there... MC say he wanted to take a look at some jackets frm surf and splash ( hope i got the name correct for the store), so we took a train there.... MC saw the jacket he wanted and decides to buy it.... It cost $119... wow... anyway... it did look gd on him.... and he also bought a cap frm the store.... All in all, it cost him a total of $145, all of us were standin behind him, jus wantin to take a peek at his POSB pin no. ... YC then went into the LEVI store which was further down and he got for himself a new jeans.... Wow...! another thing tat cost abt $119! Gary and me felt tat we were in the midst of ASK ("Ah Sia Kia" - Rich Kids) ...

Today went to do BIA case study at Winnie's house... went there at around 11am and did our report frm then till around 2.30pm before we finally finalise wat we were suppose to do.... wilson went home first then Amanda and i sat around winnie house for awhile before goin off to Serangoon Mrt station to meet her fren Chun mei... the previous time promise to treat her ice cream to eat... so today was the day.... they decided to go down to Cineleisure there to eat ice cream at Cafe Cartel....

Then we order the ice cream and some food to eat... kind of weird though... the food tat i order seems to come in really large portion.... i didnt know tat they came in such big portions... anyway... my brother came down to cineleisure there and met me and the girls... so sat there for awhile before we left the place and took a cab back home, amanda and Chun mei took a cab to their church, they were in a rush.... now still kind of tired.... but there is still BIA case study to do... think i will be doing it 2molo....

BTW, jus updated some of the things in my blog, the links and the background music.. now the background music is a song called "Lost Good Things", this song is frm the movie "INITIAL D", found it a rather nice song and tis song was send to me by a fren of mine.... Enjoy the song and i hope to blog some more when i am free again....

- Bounded By chain and locks frm the sins of the world, hopin God to release this burdens -

- Exams... -

2005-08-28T22:29:00.000+08:00

- Exams... -

Exams are drawin more and more close each day.... And the intensity of seriousness in the air has increased, everyone are now revising their work in preparation for the upcomin semester exam... And if u would like to know when are my exams, my first paper starts at 9am on the September 20...

So wat have i been doin for the past few days and y i haven been bloggin for such a long time, seriously, i must start to cultivate the habit of writtin entries for my blog again, the main reason y i didnt have the time to even put in a short one was becoz i was busy all the while, i had meetins to attend to, frens house to go to and many more stuff tat has to be organise by the DCHE Student chapter... currently now, the chapter have finally decided to come up wif a Committe Polo-Tee, a DCHE Polo-Tee for the whole course and also we are currently lookin for DCHE students to take part in the upcomin SPCA charity sales at bugis durnin October.... All tis plus many more stuff from the chapter are to be finalised in the upcomin 2 weeks before exam.... Speakin abt so much things to do, it does seem really tiring.... and i am startin to feel the tireness of it....

Yesterday went over to one of my church fren's house, haven been there for almost quite awhile.. he invited some of us over to his house to stay over nite and have fun... I manage to learn "swimming" as well.... not the into the swimming pool type of swimming but a more dry type of swimming.. LOL, its mahjong.... finally got a chance to learn how to play it... but it did come wif a cost, since all my frens who were playin last nite played wif money.... the food was excellent, the crab and other stuff was simply delicious, especially the salad my fren's mom who made it..... i ate lots of it....

I have finally come to a point to time to stop playin CS and Dota in sch for awhile... coz the exams are really near and i thought tat in order for me to concentrate on studyin, i better stop playin for a while and start revisin my work... well.. i guess the bitterness of not havin to have fun now will not be tat bad, once holiday come, then i will be able to enjoy myself.... =] Guess tats all for tonite, i will type more 2molo.... See ya!

- Follow your heart in the things you think its best for you -

- Life in Mono -

2005-08-20T20:58:00.000+08:00

- Life in Mono -

Ever heard tis song before? well.. its now playin on the website..... but if u dont hear it, u can always click it at the bottom of tis entry to get the file for hearin plasure.... in life, nothing ever seems to be ever easy, pple always say there is an easy way out of life... but is there one tat everyone can use?

When u sae tat life is no longer the way it use to be and tat it is really borin.... people will start thinkin... wats wrong wif tis guy/girl? When ur life seems to be really kind of down hill for u and tat u are facin wif troubles tat are so real in ur life, people thinks tat tis trouble can always be solved... there is always an ideal solution to everything in life.... or they think tat the problem u're facin in life is nothin and dumb.... i got condemn all the time for havin problems in life tat people never seem to ever understand, the importance of it and the pain of it... they always think tat it can be solved regardless of how bad the situation is.... to be frank, if there had been an ideal soultion to every problem on earth, we would be sittin around relaxin and not worryin abt aything in life, coz for any problem, regardless big or small, there is a solution to it....

Come to think of it, the blog is a place where my frens, myself and even people whom i never know visit the place, of couse, there is no privacy to the things i have in the blog, it opens out to all people.... have anyone wondered why some people write all the happy and sad moments abt their life in their journal? its for memory purpose if tats wat some of you might say... but then again, u dont always hear abt the sad part of the journal being told to u all the time by the person, yet every page of their happy days in their journal, u noe hear abt it.... why? somewat, i believe the same reason why i sometimes i enter some sad moments in life to tis blog of mine...

This blog of mine started out wif the purpose of enterin every bit of happiness and sad moments in life tat i experience frm day to day, to keep it private.... however as time flew by, i wanted so much for others to read the moments of my life, but after openin it up to frens, i come to know the sad part of the blog, people knew too much of the things i used to keep as a secret and there had been other unkown people comin to the blog, sayin nasty things abt me... But the reason for the blog was to keep some things to myself then to let other people noe abt it, i had never found a person whom i can totally relate everything to and tell him abt my every problem in life, a person so special and very encouragin... tats y some of my sad moments are being entered here instead to show some people...

All there is here are not for people to condemn, but yet for them to noe abt the problems face in life.... because there are some things people do not wan others to know of the problem they are havin in life, they pened in down into journals and shuts the problem off from the world, only their journal and themselves noe abt the problem.... they have no other one else to talk abt their problems but instead leave in down in ink and paper... however, when it is post onto an online-journal or blog, its no longer apply to the concept of jus pen and paper but it opens up the problem to others for help....

Life seems to be always in trouble and there are other more people who are there to make it ever seems so much worst by condemnin u.... wats there to condemn when someone is in trouble and havin problems? the least u can do is to encourage them in times like tat, regardless if u're stranger or fren to them....

Life in Mono.... the whole tune of the song, its wat i am facin now... my life seems so dull and everything lost its importance as it used to be....this are jus my thoughts, u can feel free to add in any thoughts abt it in my tag board section, but there is one thing i like to add on, if u have any complains u wan to make against tis entry, dont do it... like some of frens blog, it states, " If u dont like/unhappy wif anything, u can leave/dont complain... Coz its my blog.."

Life in Mono

- The dull side of life and the bright side, standin between the both worlds -

- More and more tired -

2005-08-18T22:12:00.000+08:00

- More and More Tired -

Come to think of it.. the past whole week since monday has been really tiring, i was sick on monday and took MC on tuesday, i had my heat transfer practical on wednesday and today i had Process intrusmentation pratical and also not forgettin the quiz which took today....

Today test was kind of tough, mainly becoz i didnt really prepare well for it and most of the equation jus suddenly slipped out my mind... so i guess i wont be doin so well for my heat transfer quiz... i am really dozin off in class, mainly due to the medication i am takin now, which causes drowsiness... beside tat, have been havin lots of problem sleepin.... =

Yesterday went for a talk by professor Leung of NTU, his speech is indeed really inspiring and i do hope to get into a local university in singapore.... Prof. Leung is a poly graduate who then went on for a degree in a university oversea.... however, he is not singaporean, he is a hong-konger, and then complete his phD somewhere else also.... just by seein at the list of wat a chemical engineer can be in the future, it suprises me alot... there is also one more intrestin fact he brought up durin his talk, the people who do drugs or create drugs in the pharmaceutical industry are pharmacist but a chemist... pretty intrestin....

Prof Leung ended his speech wif tis " your future is our future. If you dont look gd, we dont look gd." This was said at the end of the speech after he promoted abit of NTU... kind of a very intrestin and funny person.... and he has quite a high post in one of NTU science department...

Did i mention that i have to learn a little bit of Jap for my Gem (Human Resoure Practice), coz will be doin some form of presentation and we are required to teach a skill to the class and then they have to learn it.... as such, tis idea of jap came abt for my group.... oh well, gotta go slp real soon, coz the medicine is abt to act up soon.... update ya more soon and i better start a daily entry basis again.... i miss the good old days of writin entries..... =]

- Your graceful movement still in my mind, a thing too beautiful to even forget... -

- New Cam -

2005-08-14T20:01:00.000+08:00

- New Cam -

So much for my previous post..... I am still feelin abit angry over the whole thing... damn.. wif tis kind of people in the world... it sure can tell y livin in tis life always seem to be hard.. coz of tis type of pple who makes ur life seems ever more worst then givin u the encouragement to go on... Nvm, shant talk much more of it...

Anyway... Dad jus got a new camera home a few days ago.... its the Nikon D70s, at first i was still awake late at nite... chattin wif some of my frens online when my dad came home... went to open the door for him... the first thing he did when he came in was passed me a big paper bag wif a Nikon word on it... i thought it was jus some paper work he took back frm office.... But wat i saw in the bag was a Nikon D70s digital camera... he told me tat he decided to buy it tat day after one of his staff intro him tis store near their office...

i heard of my dad talkin abt buyin a new camera and not those type of normal type of digital camera but a professional type one... so while goin thru some of the camera functions wif my dad as we sat at the livin room takin pictures of some of the things, inspectin the quality of some of the pics we took.. my dad ask me if it was good, i just told him tat it seems rather good and at the same moment... he got up the chair and was abt to return back to his room, he said tat the camera he bought was for me... kind of shocked when he said tat though.... but i know tat he bought for the whole family to use... but there is one slight problem... my mom dosent really use it, my dad sometimes, so does my brother for the old camera... and i am the one who likes to take pictures of things and people... Guess i gotta learn how to use it real soon so tat i can take more nicer and beautiful pics....

* The Nikon D70s *

- Fuck off! Fucker! -

2005-08-14T19:42:00.000+08:00

- Fuck off! Fucker! -

I am damn fuckin pissed now... it happens again.. some dumb fucker anitn got the bloody guts to put his/her name when taggin my baord.... yup, i am really angry now... if u, the fucker who tag my board was in my shoe... u would then only understand the fuckin trouble i am goin thru... To find tat u dare to come to my blog to sae tat i seem to be a full of trouble.. i give u thumbs up... wait till i find u then let u have a taste of how my life is like... then we see if u would start sayin wat i am sayin at tis very point of time.... Pple like u got nothin better to do.. ur life seems to be so complete and there never seems to be have a problem for u... well.... congratulation, i hope ur luck carries on for as long as it can last coz if u find urself down on luck and in trouble... dont forget u once condemn a person who is really in trouble to be pretendin to be in trouble.... to find people who are lame like u in the world, condemnin us for our misery... there is only 2 things i have to sae to u...

..!.. (-_-) ..!.. FUCK U! And i hope ur life will turn upside down and u feel the pain of life one day....!

- Shoot me -

2005-08-10T19:49:00.000+08:00

- Shoot me -

I am really kind of tired right now.. in the sense tat i am bored, thinkin too much and really hae nothin to do.... speakin abt nothin to do, there is a up comin maths test tis Friday... so much abt nothin to do.... (-.-!) but then again... i guess most of u pple would have guess tat i also dont really give a damn abt it.. i think perhaps i will start 2molo.... hopefully i can do something abt it....

i dont find my life anymore intrestin anymore... something seems to be really missin frm my life, everything seems to be gettin more and more dull, more and more tirin then ever.... though everyday i go to sch... there are things tat i have fun and laugh abt, but its dosent seem to make it any better... i am glad tat my buddys are findin love once again.. startin to find all whole new start wif a whole new different person....

i am hopin and dyin for something nice to happen to me one day, perhaps something i really wish for.... i noe it dose seem kind of stupid, askin for something tat u always wanted to happen and it jus simply happen like tat, kind of like there is no possiblity at all... its also like " u think u wan can get just like tat??" i noe tat tis seems rather dumb...

ok.. need someone to shoot me in the head... end tis freakin life of mine.... coz i am wonderin.... how long can i remain like tis.... how long more...? i seem to be drifitin away... drifitin and jus fadin off frm reality... perhaps soon i will be of no more existence... Do human care abt the things tat are rite before them and not wait for it to be gone then they come to regret abt it? Tell me God.... is there still a whole lot of goodness and pure love left in each human? To tell u the truth, i am worryin for her now.... not because of things tat i saw recently... but of a dream tat i will believe will happen in the near future.... i am really worried.... tell me wat to do God!

- Who but him, the Alpha and the Omega is the comfort tat we all seek -

- Shag -

2005-08-06T20:09:00.000+08:00

- Shag -

Perhaps i haven been writing much lately... Coz kind of busy and the sch term has started once again... and now there are lots more reports, test and homework to do... in another few more weeks time, i will be havin my semester exam... jus imagine all the stress i will be havin... hmmm.. too bad, tats the price u pay for wantin to study as a chemical engineer...

Yesterday nitez was fantastic.... Went for the Festival of Praise.. The Hillsong and Delirious worship Concert..its was simply a great experience comin to the concert again after one year... this year's one, i found the speaker rather intrestin, the way he preach the word and the way he talk... he was quite humorous... the worship songs and praise was simply great and i had lots of fun wif my church frens who were there.. we had decided to meet and come together for the concert... though i came kind of early to meet one of my church fren.... But overall, it was really fun....

Today went for a game of basketball game wif some of my church frens and my brother, we played like frm 2pm onwards... played till around 3 plus then left the court, we had decided to go play dota, tis time we went all the way to tanjong katong shoppin centre there to play.. the lan shop was so full, we left our name and no. on the waitin list and went off to the nearby shop houses for some katong laksa... we ate finish our laksa and was abt the leave the place to go home, but the people frm the lan shop called us, tellin us tat there was space.... we rush back to the lan shop and started dota-ing.... till around 6.40pm then left the place.... Jus got home and yet to have my dinner... waiting for frens to play dota wif me...

Hmm.. think of gettin a new sling bag for sch... but still haven saw a nice bag to bring to sch.. hmm.. hope can go town soon, maybe next week to get my new sling bag... gotta run now... tell u guys more stuff 2molo... for now, i got some other things to do.... Like Dota-ing... LOL!

- I was thinkin of you the whole night long as i watch the stars... -

- Town -

2005-07-26T19:08:00.000+08:00

- Town -

Went to sch early tis morning for extra lesson for heat transfer...though i didnt really need tat lesson but thought tat tis lesson would be useful to refresh the things i learn for the first 3 chapters.... after the lesson, went for brunch wif Yi cheng, Edmund & Wilson at FC1... then after tat went over to the library to meet Clarence, Gary, Mian Cun & Thomas....

Was dota-ing tis time in the library..... the Com labs at T4 couldnt be use... so tis time had no choice but to play in the library.... Use Doom Bringer.. found tis character rather simple to use... and i think i got the hang of it... so yar... quite ok to use..... So guess i will be trainin more on this character....Anyway, played till around 2pm then left for town wif Yi cheng & Edmund, coz at home nothin to do so pei both of them go town, so juz tag along, didnt expect the whole lot of us went down instead...LOL! hmmm... finally decided to get some clip-on earings, they look rather nice, the earings i am talkin are not the type tat looks circular and like tat of a stud, but instead its those type u jus clip onto the top of the ear.... maybe next time u have to see for urself....

Had lots of fun jus walkin around wif them 2dae, walk around till 4 plus like tat then decided to go for some drinks at Burger King, after the drinks, we decided to head back home, didnt have much to do either.... Still haven do my mp3 player yet, ask edmund to go down wif me to the Creative buildin tis comin thursday.... lots of stuff to do beside tis, will be playin basketball wif them and they plus some more of my classmates will be havin dinner at Chomps.... hmmm... Gonna be a really busy day tis comin thursday.....But i guess its gonna be real fun =]

- Picturin your smile in my mind, it brings back all the wonderful memories. -

-Holiday at last-

2005-07-25T09:42:00.000+08:00

- Holiday at Last -

Ya... now its officially holiday and i can finally write all the entry tat i had intended to write earlier... paiseh... really no time to write, but now shall tell ya most of the impt things tat happen thru the week...

Thursday's Class outin was a blast, had tons of fun and was enjoyin every second of it.... the whole dinner at Swensen started at around 7pm plus like tat, a grp of us were like playin Cs and Dota in sch again till around 6pm like tat before leavin sch and goin down to PS there.... Manage to reach there abit earlier and then went off to the arcade in Dhoby Ghuat station...Then around 6.50pm, went up to Swensen for the dinner... All of us were talkin and laughin all nite long, playin some no. combination game called Zong ji mi ma, then the person who guess the correct no. will have to eat something disgustin... Everyone enjoyed the food and ice cream.... after the dinner, went off to Monster cue for pool, everyone followed... we played till around 10.30pm before everyone slowly started to leave.... Do check out Tis outin photo album at my links section under my photo album... Lots of nice photo....LOL

- Taken outside of Swensen after Dinner -

Well, i guess tats abt it, well... only 1 thing to tell, paiseh..! i noe u were expectin me to tell u more then tis, but tats all i got.... maybe u will noe more in the weeks to come? lol, hmm.... i missin her again.... tis same old feelin seems to come back again... oh well...

- Missin you alot, let me noe where u are -

- Holidays are round da corner -

2005-07-20T21:01:00.000+08:00

- Holidays round da Corner -

Ya?! Holidays are like in another 5 days time... however our 1 week term break holiday officially starts in another 3 days time, which is tis comin saturday.... Hmm... looks like tis is a gd preiod of time for us to relax.... or maybe not? oh well, whatever it is, guess tat the whole class can both study and have fun durin the term break....

Juz had one test again today, BIA! Would sae that the paper was rather easy... i could do most of the question and gave the answer... i only studied more of it jus 2dae, u didnt hear me wrong.... i did only intensive study 2dae... manage to understand most of the things while explain to edmund in a short 4 hrs or so before i took the quiz... Wouldnt be doin anything crazy like tis durin the semester exam, if not surely will die....

Finally, the class PTN outin is 2molo.... Wow! tats like kind of really fast... hmm... gonna have some fun 2molo wif our class, and i guess the 2molo outcome is better than the other 2 tat i have went to... hmm... would sae that pratically the whole class is gonna be there.... This time the outin is held at swensen @ PS... well, here's somethin for u to picture..... imagine a grp of 23 students frm the same class board the train and everyone is standin in the same cabin, imagine the noise tat they make as they talk and laugh wif one another.... then imagine the same 23 plus their tutor dine at swensen... kind of chaotic rite? i find it rather cool though....lol =]! never had such a big group of us dine together...

2molo gonna be another day of dota and Cs... haha.. something to enjoy after the test 2dae? lol... Hey do u pple have any suggestion to wat song i can put on my blog... if u do... pls give me the song title and artist or even better the mp3.. then i will place it on my blog.... ok.... tell u more abt my day 2molo... provided tat i dont get real tired when i reach home.... =]

- Love is like oxygen & i can't live without it -

- Rest at Last! -

2005-07-17T21:42:00.000+08:00

- Rest at Last! -

Argh! Wats wrong wif my mp3 player?! juz only 2 weeks after i bought it... it seems kind of spoiled! its like as if it is infected wif some sort of virus, no longer can see the song title, numbers seems to be scrambled all over my screen.... Wow! jus like tat.... Damn, i guess i got to take it down to their service centre the week after tis comin week....

Play basketball on staurday afternoon, had been a real long time since i played basketball wif my group of church frens.... really long, but since most of us could make it, why not.... Played like frm 3pm to 5.30pm, non stop.... Then had to go off to meet a fren of mine in gardens.. then chated wif him for like 2 hrs plus or so then went off home....

Today, slept almost practically the whole day, its been a long time since i had such a gd rest in months...the holidays are close and it seems tat things are gettin more or abit stressful as the weeks progresses on.... there are now much more reports to do, test to study for and also assignment to do....Talkin abt test, i have one up comin test tis comin wednesday, BIA, Basic Instrumental Analysis. i hardly do my homework even at home, unless it requires me to take a real long time then perhaps i will do it at home, but usually, i take my homework back to sch and complete it even before the class, but dont get me work, most of the time, i do my own homework and not copy it frm anyone.... but yar.. i do copy... if i do not noe how to do.... lol

2molo gonna be a fun day at sch, another lan-gamin experience in sch, guess there will be Cs and warcraft goin on.... lol... Tats all i guess for 2dae entry... maybe i will tell ya more of anything 2molo...nitez..... =]

- Dreaming of a dream of only u and me, and the paradise that we both will be alone at. -

2005-07-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

- Rain oh Rain -

Ok... so maybe i didnt fail the fluid mech test.... Wow, wat a relief... guess Andrew Kon didnt get the nick as "The Killer" after all.... He failed to kill me.... LOL... Well, didnt do much either 2dae.... had dinner wif Yi cheng, Edmund and Jun Yuan.... at first wanted to go orchard there to do some shoppin... But it rain... So drop the idea of even goin down to town... they got jun yuan da ge to go wif us to Jurong point to have dinner....

Too bad, tis month allowance is almost used up... Coz at the beginning of the month, went to suntec wif my dad $100 voucher to buy a new Creative mp3 player and battle chest.... Total cost me abt $275.... And my allowance was like $330 a month... wow! Guess i really did spent alot... Guess i am broke once again.... and i will to eat porridge again.... well, tis is wat u get for investin ur money on something tat u really like... Guess my money will come rollin in by next month....

Oh yar, PTN(Personal Tutor network) meetin is next thursday... Amanda sae want to have dinner gatherin at PS there... hmmm... good suggestion....Whole class gather for dinner.... talk cock the whole nite long then make lots of noice and then hang out at PS there until quite late then go home... haven been doin tat wif me frens for a long time liao.

There have been so much suicide cases goin on nowadays.... I notice tat there have been a sudden trend of Jumpin off the roof type of suicide goin on.... First was a schoolmate of mine who died frm jumpin off the HDB flat, another was told by our lecturers tat one Biotech student wanted to jump off one of the CLS bulding....Or maybe i am thinkin too much... cant blame me for havin such a weird imagination....

Haha, was playin Cs in sch again, tis time for abt less then an hour before goin off for Gems..... Saw her again durin lunch time.. oh well... cant help but think of her...Guess i will be waitin at one corner till perhaps we both meet once again.... And guess i am off to bed now.... 2molo still got lots of stuff to do.....

Lonely Path - Terry

- He better be the one who makes u happy, coz if u are sad. I am gonna break his freakin neck. -

- Heart Stop -

2005-07-13T20:56:00.000+08:00

- Heart stop -

Well, wont sae the test was easy.... but would rather sae tat it was really a killer... haiz... now my teacher for fluid mech in called, "kon aka the killer"... Guess he earned it... for killin students in the test....

The same freakin feelin is back once again... like wat the hell.... damn...! Oh well, maybe its in my nature to miss someone who i put all love, energy and emotion into.... Gary thought he manage to cover up tat she and the boyfren is walkin by and i wont notice.... i didnt notice, until he told me and look around and saw her walkin towards the library while sittin down at FC2....

Blastin myself wif all the loud music 2nite... not sure wat to do either.... but guess i will be playin Cs in sch 2molo... Am i gettin kind of love sick again.. not the normal type of love sick but an atypical love sickness? maybe if i ask my heart to stop beatin for a while... maybe i will feel slightly better?

- Askin the heart to stop awhile will cure tis life of mine in tis world of pain for me -

- Dota & Cs Craze -

2005-07-13T12:52:00.000+08:00

- Dota & Cs Craze -

Wow... manage to play a game of Dota at last... yes, it may sound kind of lame... but! i mean i manage to play a game of Dota in sch wif frens on the server.... YES! My fren and i manage to find a way to play... aint tat great.... we can play on the server, using Lan... dont have to play a single cent like tis kind of service in the lan shop.... Save me lots of money.... =]

Now still waitin for my fren to burn finish the Cs, so tat i can play it in sch... then we all can have fun! lol... oh well, got a test at 4pm later... stupid fluid mech.... haiz... anyway... gotta run now... still have to go study for it.... Maybe will write more later 2nite....

At Last

2005-07-11T23:03:00.000+08:00

- At Last -
Wif all the final things in place and the slight adjustment here and there, the new blog is finally done.... Well, i would sae tat i have the sudden urge to write all over again, some feelins tat people have dont seem to die off jus like tat, so guess u pple will get to read again abt my life....

But, But! Tis whole blog of mine is mainly abt the thoughts and feelins i have... dont worry, there will also be things tat happen in my day and other stuff that i may wish to include into my daily blog.... oh well..... cant help it since i wan to write so much abt my feelings and thoughts.... =] Oh yar, teenagers below the age of 18 are not advise to read the content frm tis blog as it may be too mushy, deep in feelins or lame as some people might sae... But What the Heck....! Its my blog and my life....

Anyway, juz jokin abt the below 18 year old cant read the content crap.... hmm.... well anyway... to start a new.... guess tis blog is finally launched..... And i can do all my writing once again..... =] Oh yar... manage to find one of my lecturers blog.... wow...! i heard of teachers gettin friendster but not a blog, he seems to the first teacher whom i add to my link section, u can take a look at my link section to find out who he is.... LOL... =] alot of my classmate are visitin his blog now and floodin his tagboard..... oh well.... nice & friendly teacher but got lots of really cold jokes.... Guess i am off to play Dota and Raiden till i fall asleep later....

Hold You Down by Jennifer Lopez Feat Fat Joe

2005-07-07T10:55:00.000+08:00

Hold You Down By Jennifer Lopez Feat Fat Joe

(Jen)
Now you been holding me down mm
For such a long time now
From back then to now in my story
Straight from the hood
You've always been there for me
And you had my back when they
Back when everybody said I wasn't anything
It was you that kept me holding on
No matter what was going on
So whatever you need I got you yaa

(Joe)
Reminiscing that 6 train from way back
Now it's skyblue Phantoms and stretch Maybacks
For sweepin them floors in them Bronx apartments
Mira esta que on the red carpet
When Pun died you was the first to call me
I never told you
But you was there for me
Whatever you need, I be there for you
Crack, I got ya back, for real, true story

(Jen)
Now my loyalty will always be
With you if you just promise me
That you'll stay real just like you are
Cuz baby you don't have to change no...

[chorus]
You dont know how much you mean to me
Whenever your down you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, boy I'm gon' hold you down

You dont know how much you mean to me
Whenever your down you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, girl I'm gon' hold you down

(Fat Joe)
Yo, 2005, Rakim and Jodey Withley
Watch me paint a picture so perfect
Quite possibly
The realest frechest from BX to Southbeach
I'mma always hold you down, girl
You can count on me

(Jen)
So remember this whenever I call
We go back too far, we been through it all
Even though, we haven't spoken so long
Ain't nothing change, not a damn thing baby

(Jen)
Now my loyalty will always be
With you if you just promise me
That you'll stay real just like you are
Cuz baby you don't have to change no...

[chorus]
You dont know how much you mean to me
Whenever your down you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, boy I'm gon' hold you down

You dont know how much you mean to me
Whenever your down you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, girl I'm gon' hold you down

(Fat Joe)
Like green is to autum somethings must stay
This industry
Yeah my father made me this way
Get between me and J-Lo
I simply stay
you better off sweepin leaves on a windy day

(Jen)
So I don't care about the situation
I'ma ride for you
If there's a complication
Cuz everytime you had my back and all
When we were young
And now you're Joey Crack and all

(Jen)
Now my loyalty will always be
With you if you just promise me
That you'll stay real just like you are
Cuz baby you don't have to change because...

[chorus]
You dont know how much you mean to me
Whenever your down you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, boy I'm gon' hold you down

You dont know how much you mean to me
Whenever your down you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, girl I'm gon' hold you down